We are down to 25 days until our wedding and I’m not going to lie, I am very overwhelmed. Everyone says the last month is the most crazy and I can definitely say that I’m feeling all of the craziness full force now. It’s all so exciting, but at the same time, it’s all so stressful. It’s been really hard for me to just be still and rest during this time of preparation.
From being decisive on major things to being indecisive on the smaller things, I have been driving myself crazy.
How many votives do I need on each table? Is this decoration the pink I want? What should I do for a card box? I hope our reception hall allows us to do this. Oh gosh, I still have to finalize our playlists for our DJ! Do we have enough money to do this? I can’t forget about the ceremony programs..the list never ends.
I always put so much pressure on myself to not just get things done, but to get them done well. It’s been a challenge to show grace and love towards myself, and I am just now realizing that.
God doesn’t want us to live under the pressures of stress and anxiety. He wants us to simply rest in His presence and trust in Him, for He is faithful. I have been crying out to God to give me peace and let me find rest through the planning, but I felt like He wasn’t granting me that. After rediscovering a post I had written back in April about how God gives us peace, I realized the reason why I wasn’t finding rest was because I wasn’t grabbing onto the rest and assurance He was already extending towards me.
I have been suffocating myself with my expectations, instead of breathing in grace towards myself. All along the rest I have been seeking was waiting for me, and yet I didn’t slow down to receive it. All along I had to just be still.
“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” – Exodus 14:14, ESV
I am sure you’re familiar with this scripture verse, but instead of the word “silent” being in place there, you’ve probably heard it with the word “still” (NIV). In my case right now, I am really being convicted with reading the ESV version. God will fight for me; He wants to fight for me. All I have to do is step aside from what I’m facing, turn my gaze on Him and be silent, as I trust in His unending faithfulness towards me. I need to be silent, instead of going on and on about what I still need to get done.
The strange thing is that I had already knew all of this to be true, but I was blinded by my natural flesh and reaction to chaos to let myself remember. I am praising God that He is patient and ever true towards me in my struggles of battle with self.
Today I am choosing to just be still and to be silent.
My God is faithful and I am believing He will see me through.